Two words: DATING SUCKS!
As much as I am ready to meet a life partner, I really, really dislike dating. I just don't understand the serial dating thing. For me, it is excruciating! From the beginning, the initial conversation over the phone, the nervewrecking 1st meeting, filled with either uncomfortable silences or incessant babbling, to the end and a goodbye, for me, is an anxiety ridden, sweaty palmed, stuttering, traumatic experience.
I'm really no good at it, period. I've even resorted to the dating websites, and let me tell you, these places are a trip! I've met some cool cats with no potential for a love connection. I've met some weirdo stalkers who were quite frankly, scary. And I've met some that, seemed interesting, but the lack no real chemistry, or my own scared scarred mind caused the potential relationship to fizzle before it began. Let me tell you about some of my experiences with the so-called dating websites.
The 1st guy that comes to mind, I'll call him Frank (like HE would ever be reading this, & I really don't give a shit if he did because I'm fixin' to tell you a true account of what happened, but I'll make up a name anyways, hehehe). Well, in his online profile, Frank was super cute (I'm really not that concerned with looks as I am with good personality traits, but cuteness is a bonus), he had a great smile yada yada. Well, one of the 1st lessons I learned about dating sites I learned from Frank...PEOPLE LIE when creating their profiles. He was nowhere close to the 5'9" he claimed (I am 5'3" and we were the same height), and he was totally bald, hence the hat in all of his pictures, but hey, I could care less about the hair on his head, nor his height, but I must say that I was, ahem, surprised. Well, we had lots of pretty cool phone conversations, and had met that one time for drinks. During our phonecalls, he had disclosed that a) he had lost his driver's license for getting too many DUI's, and b) he lived with his mother (RED FLAGS big time), but, being the openmindess dumbass I am, I excused these things as minor hinderances. So, I invited him to, hehe, have his mom drop him by my house, & we were going to my mom's house for dinner. Well, the entire thing was maddening, as he acted like a 6 week old puppy dog the whole time, even laying down, on the couch next to me at one point (remember, we are over at my mom's house), placing his head upon my lap and started making purrring noises. Well, my mom, who was sitting right there, had to leave the room to disguise her laughter at the expression of utter shock on my face apparently. Well, needless to say, there was NOT going to be a love connection with this fellow, so I let him crash on my couch (it was too late for his mom to come get him). Well, the next afternoon, I broke the news to him that I didn't see a future for us, and he sounded crushed, and asked if he could come by to get his 'things'...his THINGS????? What the fuck? In my bathroom, he had filled the empty bottom drawer with toilettries, and had stashed some clothes in a bag, behind my dresser! Really???? Frank is certifiably nuts!
Then, more recently, I met a guy, whose profile literally made me belly laugh outloud, and he was even smart enough to decipher my 'coded' email address in my profile (I'm too cheap to pay for the service, ha!). Well, we started exchanging text messages, he said he hated talking on the phone. He went on & on about how every girl he had attempted to date was crazy, or psycho, or just plain didn't 'get' him. Well, we met one evening for coffee, and to my surprise, he was actually pretty cool, good looking, but the sense of humor that oozed in his online profile, had somehow been replaced with a dry, I'm a smarty pants sarcasm that would rival that of any of the hipsters I know, to the point that it was pretty uncomfortable. At one point, he just matter-of-factly said, do you have any questions for me? Like this was some kind of friggin job interview or something. Well, a few days and several texting conversations had passed, when I started noticing a pattern. Turns out, this super smart, zombie-proofed man was actually an insecure, sniveling baby waiting for a mom to wipe the snot from his ego driven nose. He sent me a text wondering if I had decided that he wasn't good enough, because it took me 15 minutes to respond to a text (like I can tell a client at work, 'hold on while I grab my phone and respond so as to not give this dude the impression that I don't want him'). Did I mention that clingy, needy men are really not attractive to me? I mean come on man, we hadn't even shared a kiss yet, why would he be acting so desperate...well, it became crystal clear that the madness that the prior ladies probably exhibited was probably nothing short of trying to dust a flake of a negative man child off their shoulder.
I hope I'm not giving the impression that I am some kind of royal bitch, because, really I'm not. I just want to love and to be loved, by someone that feels right. I want to find someone that I feel something magical with, like a primal gut reaction that feels natural. I know that perfection does not exist, but I know there is someone out there who is perfect for me, & me perfect for them. I want to be that old couple you see, walking hand in hand, that after 50+ years, that still enjoy each other's company & still have passion for each other. I want to be able to be silly, sad, happy, anxious, mad...whatever around, & know that they love me unconditionally, and I feel the same towards them. I don't want to have to babysit someone's ego, or be their mom, nor do I need someone around to tell me how the earth moves around the sun, I just want someone to experience life with, someone who is willing and able to come along with me on this journey.
I guess, if I could offer any advice, it would be...just be yourself! Really! Either there's a spark or there's not, you don't have to try to sell yourself, seriously, acting like a used carsalesman is cheesy and a major turnoff. Don't make yourself out to be someone you are not. What's the point of having a pseudo personality online or at the beginning of a relationship? Doncha think that eventually, the other person is going to see the real you at some point, or do you plan to wear platform heels and pretend to be too cool for anyone to 'get' for the rest of your life? Don't expect a woman who has been single for over 10 years, or any woman in her right mind, to chomp at the bit to hop into a relationship without testing the water, and certainly don't go out looking for a partner in love with a vision of getting a new mom as part of the package, who will stroke your ego and make sure your clothes match. It makes you look you look desperate and immature to expect immediate responses, or demanding constant communication, I mean, can we at least have sex before you piss on my leg & claim your territory? And please, don't try to blame all failed relationships on the other person, it takes 2 to tango, and bagging on your exes with a potential partner makes you look like a real ass.
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