“…we are brainwashed
by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of
time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, and playthings that
divert our attention from the sheer idiocy of the charade. The years
thunder by. The dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on
the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed.
Where, then, lies the answer? In choice.
Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life?”
Author Unknown
Those who know me, who really know & love me, know that, I am not crazy, well, not any more insane than most, but I am different, ahem, special, hehe...I am finding that the quality in me that is most unusual is my desire, deep yearning for freedom. Ultimate freedom. Yeah, it would be wonderful to just pack up & disappear, no responsibility, no bills, but obviously this is not reality, for anyone, unless you have an unlimited trust fund or something. I'm not blind to such obligations, I have after all, been a single mom for over 10 years. Honestly, these years have been challenging, scary, lonesome, and rewarding all in the same breath. No matter what situation I find myself in with my little family, the one thing I always yearn for & never really, truly have is freedom. My life is dictated by the pressures of 'normal', hold a job, support the kids, give all my money away to sustain a meek existence, with nothing really to look forward to, except the next day, another mundane day. Money arrives in my hand after a long pay period stuck in a soul sucking office, only to go right to pay the bills, & leave me wanting more, not really more money, just leaves me feeling empty. Defeated, that I don't have money to take family vacations, or weekend getaways, nothing much really, there seems to never be extra, and we live pretty small, really. My days seemed to be filled with unlimited daydreams & wants rather than fulfilling experiences. I really need to be able to travel, desperately, & my soul feels the deep need to get out there & see the world, from all angles, not just through a book or the internet. I ramble to my closest friends about my dreams, my desires, to which they all kind of roll their eyes at, as they all think that it's all just a bunch of hooie. Well, I'm serious. I WILL live out my dreams, whether I have to hop a train, live full time in a tent...hell I don't care, really. I just want to be out there...fresh air & new sights, frequently gracing my existence. I often question myself, why am I so restless, so bored so quickly. Well, I am Sagittarius, & these attributes are a primary trait our my sign. Not that I'm saying I base my daily activities on this fact, but it is a strange coincidence. I also think, that I have inherited some of this nomadic nature to my dad, Criss Leroy Furman. Most of you have probably not heard 'our' story, & I will spare you the gory details, but, he & my mother divorced before i was even a year old. I had regular visits with him, & my little sister Lily (from a marriage after my mom). Then one day, when I was in the 2nd grade, he just disappeared, like into thin air disappeared. I had zero contact with him until I was 13 years old, of course by then, he was a complete stranger, but I still loved him, as I do today, & I am thankful for the handful of times I have seen him since. He is deeply scarred by many unfortunate events in his life, the biggest being the most obvious, the Vietnam War. But, I am convinced that, he, like me, had this deep seeded need to roam, to see things previously unseen, to meet new people, taste new tastes, to just take it all in, from a new perspective all the time. Obviously, I can't just take off as he did, but I would be lying if I said that the thought had not crossed my mind, or that I haven't had to force myself to keep going the intended direction on the highway rather than veering off toward the mountains when my pocket is full of dough. I guess where I am going with this rambling note, is, someday, when I say that I'm outta here, or checking out, I really mean it...& I know that one of these days, in the not so distant future, it will happen for me...
Where, then, lies the answer? In choice.
Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life?”
Author Unknown
Those who know me, who really know & love me, know that, I am not crazy, well, not any more insane than most, but I am different, ahem, special, hehe...I am finding that the quality in me that is most unusual is my desire, deep yearning for freedom. Ultimate freedom. Yeah, it would be wonderful to just pack up & disappear, no responsibility, no bills, but obviously this is not reality, for anyone, unless you have an unlimited trust fund or something. I'm not blind to such obligations, I have after all, been a single mom for over 10 years. Honestly, these years have been challenging, scary, lonesome, and rewarding all in the same breath. No matter what situation I find myself in with my little family, the one thing I always yearn for & never really, truly have is freedom. My life is dictated by the pressures of 'normal', hold a job, support the kids, give all my money away to sustain a meek existence, with nothing really to look forward to, except the next day, another mundane day. Money arrives in my hand after a long pay period stuck in a soul sucking office, only to go right to pay the bills, & leave me wanting more, not really more money, just leaves me feeling empty. Defeated, that I don't have money to take family vacations, or weekend getaways, nothing much really, there seems to never be extra, and we live pretty small, really. My days seemed to be filled with unlimited daydreams & wants rather than fulfilling experiences. I really need to be able to travel, desperately, & my soul feels the deep need to get out there & see the world, from all angles, not just through a book or the internet. I ramble to my closest friends about my dreams, my desires, to which they all kind of roll their eyes at, as they all think that it's all just a bunch of hooie. Well, I'm serious. I WILL live out my dreams, whether I have to hop a train, live full time in a tent...hell I don't care, really. I just want to be out there...fresh air & new sights, frequently gracing my existence. I often question myself, why am I so restless, so bored so quickly. Well, I am Sagittarius, & these attributes are a primary trait our my sign. Not that I'm saying I base my daily activities on this fact, but it is a strange coincidence. I also think, that I have inherited some of this nomadic nature to my dad, Criss Leroy Furman. Most of you have probably not heard 'our' story, & I will spare you the gory details, but, he & my mother divorced before i was even a year old. I had regular visits with him, & my little sister Lily (from a marriage after my mom). Then one day, when I was in the 2nd grade, he just disappeared, like into thin air disappeared. I had zero contact with him until I was 13 years old, of course by then, he was a complete stranger, but I still loved him, as I do today, & I am thankful for the handful of times I have seen him since. He is deeply scarred by many unfortunate events in his life, the biggest being the most obvious, the Vietnam War. But, I am convinced that, he, like me, had this deep seeded need to roam, to see things previously unseen, to meet new people, taste new tastes, to just take it all in, from a new perspective all the time. Obviously, I can't just take off as he did, but I would be lying if I said that the thought had not crossed my mind, or that I haven't had to force myself to keep going the intended direction on the highway rather than veering off toward the mountains when my pocket is full of dough. I guess where I am going with this rambling note, is, someday, when I say that I'm outta here, or checking out, I really mean it...& I know that one of these days, in the not so distant future, it will happen for me...
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